My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
