I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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