Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
