is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
