Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
