Nicole vs. Life
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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