I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
