So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
