I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
