I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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