Yo dont text me then not text me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
