areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
