3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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