WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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