just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
