ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
