Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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