Have you finally orgasmed yet?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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