Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
