he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
