he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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