A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
one might say we're banned from that church
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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