Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
