i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
