I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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