i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
