I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
