i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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