Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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