Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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