That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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