I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will be naked everywhere
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
