Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You made out with two different species that night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
