I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
