dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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