it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
