so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
