its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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