I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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