This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
