WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
