threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
