So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
