u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
