Soap is not a condiment
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
