I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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