I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
