when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
