It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
