I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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