i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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