conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
